Despite how well you get along with you parents in law Before you start planning a wedding, there’s nothing like an upcoming wedding to test relationships.
A woman discovered this the hard way after she got engaged to her boyfriend and immediately expressed her wish for a small wedding†
The woman, 32, explains: Reddit’s ‘Am I The A-hole’ thread she “respectfully” hates marriage culture and all the “weight it brings”.
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She also says “been there, done that,” suggesting she’s been to a big wedding before and it didn’t go as planned.
“So my (future) in-laws are very traditional people (luckily my fiancé isn’t and I was able to show him how overrated traditional weddings are) in-laws pretty clearly want a ‘traditional marriage with all the ‘works’,” she explains. “Big party, big venue, a whole wedding party and a private photographer, and a beautiful, expensive wedding dress to impress the guests and a huge variety of food items, as well as DJs and who knows what else.”
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During the process of planning the wedding, the woman’s mother-in-law and sister-in-law visited her and began to help her plan. They started making a list of things to do that made the bride feel “nauseous.”
“I asked why the hassle and the exaggeration?” she asks. To which her in-laws replied “that’s how it goes in the family”.
“I told her I was sorry (oops!) but my fiancé and I had already decided to have a little party in our spacious backyard with a modest purple dress as my wedding dress, and Etta James ‘At Last’ in the background,” she writes.
At that point, her in-laws expressed shock at the situation before her mother-in-law “started yelling at me and telling me I was trying to make a joke of her son and the family”.
Her mother-in-law then demanded that she stick to the list that had been drawn up.
“I called my fiancé to come home, but his aunt and father got there first and they all started arguing with me about how crazy this was, and that they wouldn’t give me my own marriage and their son’s for them.” let it be ruined,” says the bride. continues.
“My fiancé came home and took back more or less everything we agreed to,” she explains. “I got so mad at him and asked why, he told me he didn’t think his family would react that way.”
The feud ended when her fiancé’s family threatened not to attend the wedding if it’s not what they expected.
“They criticized me up and down and up and down saying they don’t understand why I’m doing this when I have enough money and time to have a respectable wedding just like everyone else in the family,” the bride recalled.
They accused her of being a “bridezilla” for trying to “dictate the wedding from A to Z”.
“Also said just because I’ve had a wedding before doesn’t mean I’m taking it lightly,” she writes. “We’re still arguing quite a lot about it and my fiancé keeps saying he doesn’t want his family to miss our wedding and asked me to reconsider what we had planned earlier.”
She asks Reddit users for their advice, and many question the bride and groom’s relationship.
“I would put the wedding on hold for now, at least until your fiancé gets a backbone,” one person wrote.
“The only thing I would negotiate is the betrothed,” commented another. “Tell him he can marry his parents, but you won’t be there.”
“Definitely put the wedding on hold until your husband is no longer influenced by his family,” says another. “Your marriage is between you and your husband. No one else matters. Your husband wants to appease his family, but you need to remind him that this is a ceremony to bind your lives together, not a celebration your family can dictate. “
Others share a different perspective.
“I’m 100% on board with non-traditional. I prefer your style,” they write. “However, I was hesitant when I read that you could ‘convince him to see how overrated traditional weddings are’.
“My concern would be that you have managed to convince his logic, but… could be not in convincing his emotions.”
“You as adults should decide things together,” says another. “Parents and other family members don’t get the same decision-making powers as the fucking couple getting married.
“The way I see it, he only agreed with OP about the wedding to please her. Seems like he lets everyone make decisions for him to avoid stress.”
“Or just not have a wedding at all. Frankly, it doesn’t even seem worth being connected to this kind of family,” adds another.
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