Podcaster Jana Hocking has done a lot of embarrassing things in her life, but this particular incident after a bad breakup tops them all.
When I think of the most embarrassing things I’ve done in my life, they all stem from a breakup.
There was a time, in my mid-twenties, when I had a roaring fight with my then boyfriend. We hadn’t spoken in a few days and I was devastated.
So in the heat of battle, I jumped in my car, drove to his house and knocked on his door crying, begging him to come out and talk to me.
Imagine my horror when his friend came out and yelled at me to go home. Gaaaaah I still cringe when I think about hopping back in the car and driving home, knowing it was going to be the hot topic among our group of friends the next day.
Plot twist, a week later we got back together because girlfriend loves a toxic relationship†
Then there was the time when I was so nervous about seeing another ex at a party after the break up that I decided to have a bottle of rose with my bestie before we went and then cornered him at the party and made an absolute scene. I mean…everyone knows that a party is the best time to take a deep dive into where you relation went wrong… right?!
So it’s safe to say yes, I’ve been “that girl”. So what is it about breakups that bring out the worst in us? Is it the emotional trigger of rejection that makes a twisted part of our brain go, “Okay, let’s see how far we can sabotage this situation on our own!”
I’m happy to say that reading a brilliant memoir this week gave me some comfort. It was written by my friend Catherine Mahoneywho you may know as Andrew Johns’ ex-wife, but trust me, she’s SO much more than that.
A brilliant podcaster and writer, she has written the most captivating memoirs Currently between spouses that explores all the ups and downs of marriage and single life. A classic over-sharer like me, it’s safe to say I couldn’t get enough!
It was the first chapter titled “Does my low point look big here” that gave me the most comfort. I won’t give too much away, but let’s just say that when she received the first email from Andrew’s divorce attorney, she made the mistake of turning to Valium and vodka for comfort. Oooph, the results weren’t pretty, and I sat back and realized, “Oh hurrah, I’m not the only person who’s been ‘that girl’ in the middle of a breakup!”
Side note: It also reminded me never to mix medicine with alcohol† The results are not pretty my friend, not pretty at all.
So I’ve decided there’s one thing we all need during a breakup. An emotional support person. Someone who checks your cranky texts before you send them, someone who watches how many drinks you drink on the night of the breakup (and to be fair… probably the next week), someone you can call if you feel the urge to contact them again.
We need a buffer between ourselves and an ex.
Mine comes in the form of a little pocket rocket from a brunette, who has seen me at my worst and still loves me. It’s safe to say she’s not shocked by my antics and she’ll tell me calmly but firmly that I have to Put. The. Phone. Down!
I can’t tell you what a game changer she has been for me and the way I deal with emotional triggers and breakup. I mean sure, a therapist is just as good, but at $200 per person for one session a week, let’s face it, that’s just not enough support!
So trust me, find someone who can talk you out of that self-sabotage moment, and answer your midnight crying calls, because they are definitely worth their weight in gold!
Oh, and for Pete’s sake, be kind to yourself when you inevitably bottom out. After all, we are all human!
Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of boyfriends. † @jana_hocking
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